I Hate Everything

“I hate everything.” That’s an over generalization, simplicication, and dead accurate.

“I love everything.” Almost true. Exuberant. Actually close to reality. Experiantially far from truthful in a minute by minute relation.

Elsewhere some of us out here describe a relationship between suicidal ideation (wanting to opt out of living and having concrete plans towards that end) and treading water. Not malapropos for many. Atypical? Perhaps, uncommon? Unlikely. Foreign? Nah.

Paradoxically reinforced during this pandemic. I am ambivalent about living. I am not ambivalent about cause of death. I have maintained life in spite, I would rather live than succumb to my enemies and detractors. So: I live. I even choose to work and living enthusiastically so as to better not die and better disabuse enemies that my existence is contrary to life. Rather it is part of life and deserving of life as anything else.

I am a trans woman. A femme and ally to my non binary sibs. As much as this emergency threatens us all, there are opportunists who see instability as a chance to eliminate some of us. Some of us like myself. It is only malicious opportunism snd utterly cruel in context. It isn’t necessary. It’s inexcusable. And if you see it out there? Smack it the fuck down.

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